Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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