So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
