don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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