marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
