the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Fuck appropriateness.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
