I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
