I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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