It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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