Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
