I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
