why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
