If that was your dad, he is hot
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
