Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
