I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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