my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
