i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
