I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize