Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
