well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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