I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need water and some morals
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
