so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize