When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
