DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm at about main and main street
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
