Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
