I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
