it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i drank out of a bidet.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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