You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
