hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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