Little spoons don't ask big questions
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
