Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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