why didn't you poke me back
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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