Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How does one acquire holy water?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
