Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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