They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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