I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
