So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
