Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
