you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
