got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I want to fling myself into the sun
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize