No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
