I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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