i would punch a child for taco bell
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't deserve a penis
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
