Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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