i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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