my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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