My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
