he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
