YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
