My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
