4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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