I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
