when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
