Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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