I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
