Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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