got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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