Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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