too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
