clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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