They should really pass out barf bags in church
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
