Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
