I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
