Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
