hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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