I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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