he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
