I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There r osticjed everywhere
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
